oh yeah and I added this to my wishlist. Buy it for me!!!! :-)

I am just now beginning to realize my narcissistic tendencies. You would think that I would fully be aware of my self-absorption. After all I do own a domain, which is solely deticated to myself and my interests. I think I have tried to play down my self absobption by being somewhat sarcastic about my vanity. I mean is it really possible to have a web cam without being somehwhat vain. I really don't think so. If you could care less about the way you look, then why would you have a page soley dedicated to people being able to view you and stare at you. As if it is some form of entertainment which is worth watching. The weblog is probably another good example of my self obsession. I write about every other day somehow expecting that people will read this, and enjoy reading it and come back for more. To read about me? I have put myself out there as a form of entertainment, and I like it. I like people to read about me, because it helps feed my narcissism. This whole ego thing has slowly developed over the course of me having my own little space on the internet. I use to think narcissism was bad, bu now i have a different view. We are stuck with ourselves for the rest of our lives. So you would think at some point there would be a time when we are highly preoccupied with ourselves. In fact I think most people adore themselves and really like having attention brought to themselves because they want to be the center of it all because they want to be important.
That is not at all my nature. By nature I like to hide in the corner and would rather be passed up then be noticed. So then why am I so self absobed when it come to the internet? Who knows but its probably a phase. I think you can still be self abosorbed even though you probably know you ARE NOT the greatest thing since sliced bread. I still don't like the way I look, and I find mysefl to be a complete bore. So somehow I am tring to compensate for that stuff in real life by somehow believing that I am interesting enough to gather a few hits everyday. Who even knows where this whole thought came from. I just figured I should stop denying the love I have for myself, and show the world (or the readers I have) that I am a complete egomaniac. So I love myself, is that really a bad thing?

I don't have class on friday, yay! We have a new State Holiday honouring Cesar Chavez. My break is over, have to get back to school now...

You know, sometimes I can actually sit back and relax and realize how happy I am. Now this doesn't happen too often because I am usually caught up in some little masochisitc ritual of mine, but today I feel happy. Sometimes I worry about myself because I over analyze things too often and can't take things at face value. Its like I think if things are good it must be too good to be true, therefore something is a lie and I must really be unhappy. Its sad I know but we can't all be totally well adjusted you know.

Anyway I have a long day tomorrow, but I feel that somehow this quarter will have less stress. Now I shouldn't say anything becasause i will most likely end up stressed. its my nature and I usually bring it upon myself. I can't help that I am an extremly nerotic person who's main obession is scheduleing and time or my lack of it. I relalize this is my weakness though, and I am working on it, really I am. I don't want to end up being 25 and having an some sort of medical problem do to my excessive worry.
I must admit that I spend most of my time with my stomach wrapped up in knots and I don't know how to calm myself down sometimes. One day my head will explode I am sure of it. But for now I am happy and I am trying to enjoy it. I mean at least I recognize it, that is at least a small step, right?

Well I had a nice day today. I went hiking again, and it was so nice. I've been thinking about adding more usless personal information to my page, but I am not exactly sure what I should do. Is there anything in particular you would like to see me put up, whether it be personal info, or anything else? I am just not quite sure what else exactly I should add.
Its the firts day of the quarter tomorrw, and I got my grades from last quarter. I passed everything so that is all that counts. My GPA still has yet to move up or down, it seems I will be stuck with a mediocre GPA   F O R E V E R.
You know, I think my head is shrinking because for some reason my glasses have been falling off my head lately...

*note
The previous post is a prime example of the deterieration of my posts. Notice the spelling errors.

I did more updates, exciting updates. I bet you can't wait to check them out. No, not really they are just stupid updates. I changed some of my title graphics. whoopdido. Hmm where did I get whopdidoo from? Ok I am going to bed now, my spring break is over I might as well sleep my weekend away...

Ok so I did a few stupid updates, mainly to keep myself from being bored. I am not sure if I like this green guy, but hey I got tired of the panda bear I had previously. I actually see my 404 page way to often, its sad. I also redid my links page and got some buttons up. That is about all my updates consisted of.
I finally got rid og my hiccups which have been bothering me for the past 15 min. They are the kind of hiccups that really hurt, ouch my chest hurts :(. I really hate those. Well I ditched work today and I feel really bad about it, I went hiking instead. It was such a nice day for a hike, and the mountains were somewhat green instead having the usual crunchy brown vegetation. So it was nice... Now I must get up early so I can work those extra hours at work.

You know I have noticed that ever since I started blogging, my postings have really decreased in the quality of content. Now this is not to say that I ever had a quality blog/journal going, but I think the fact that blogger is so fast and easy, and that I have stoped writing my postings first in word to proof read has really led to the deterioration of my posts. Now I am wondering if the past quality of my posts was due to the fact that I worte about silly stuff like those who I admired from a far, because it seems now that I gripe more than anything. But I suppose for a blog/journal to be charactersitic of me it should have some gripeing because I am definatly a gripey sort of person.
Anyhow I feel really good today because I have caught up on most of my e-mails. I have been debating about what the content of my blog should be since occasionally people who know me in real life somehow come upon my page. That can get kind of freakey sometimes. Especially since you don't know who it is, but you know it was someone from high school who now goes to csu northridge visitng your page alot, because you see they got to your site from gradfinder.com. But the thing is tha they never e-mail or say anythign about stoping by, but they just keep comeing back. Ok so now if I really didn't want people who know me to go to my page I should take the link off right? Well it doesn't really bother me except for the times that people keep comeing back for more and never identify themselves. Does it seem obsessive that I constantly check my stats?

Check it out, one of my buttons is in use. That makes me happy. :-)
So anyway I just came back from a party, and I am very tired. It was my mom's b-day and I did a ton of cooking all day. My feet are hurting now. My cake came out lopsided, but I blame it on the blackout we had yesterday. They had rolling blackouts in So. Cal again and I was so lucky to have my house included in the blackout. And it just so happend to be the day I made butter cream frosting. So I madea 4 layer cake and the butter cream frosting couldn't firm up because there was no power and therefore no fridge. Two of the layers slid to the side, and I was very upset. :( I mended it as best I could but it still looked like someone sat on it or something. It was an ugly cake but it was still good and everyone liked it. I think I will relax now, I am pooped.

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I went shopping at Express like I normally due, and while I am looking at these pants I wanted to get I see Stephen Hawking in the store. Now I am wondering, what the heck is Stephen Hawking doing in a female clothing store? Maybe he was there to check out the girls who knows. But I have to admit I thought it was pretty cool to see Stephen Hawking at Express. I guess you can run into some pretty cool people when you shop right next door to Caltech


I made a new banner :) That is if anyone cares to link me. .

So what am I going to do on this lovely week of vacation I have? Well today I am washing my dog if that gives you any idea of the time I will be having.

The quarter is finally over. Thank God because I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I am still having biochem nightmares, and I was wondering if I should take my biochem prof to court for emotional distress. I won't feel better until I know my grade.
Anyway I can now do a ton of things I have been meaning to do for the past week. I was too caught up in my anxiety atacks to get anything done. I need to e-mail many people, and my room needs a desperate cleaning. I think one reason I was so stressed is that I didn't cook much at all this quarter. I find cooking to be a major stress releaver. You don't have to think much when you cook and that feels good. I am looking forward to my 1 week break.
And you know don't feel bad if you don't spend your break partying in New Orleans, I have never gone anywhere on my spring break, and it doesn't bother me. Of course I do have antisocial tendacies so maybe I am not a good example.

I LOVE my friend for helping my with my physics homework! Its the best thing in the world to have a freind who is smart, funny, and a major cutie. The physics final is friday not tues. like I posted earlier. That just shows how my brain is seriously out of wack.
I am very tired now so I will be going to bed very early I think. Oh I forgot survivor is on tonight, I think I will watch it sop I have to go now...

So I got digital cable, wooohooooooo! Now I have 20 more channels to waste my time on, isn't that great. :) So anyway the Biochem final went ok I suppose, I will find out when I get my grade. :(
But anyway I don't deal with stress well so this week has been kind of bad for me. I have a physics final on tues and i am now thinking that I should not have skipped class like 4 times. Its not like I could ever understand what my professer was saying anyway, he doesn't explain things in the clearest way. It funny because he has the worst handwriting ever too, so even when he writes what he says its of no use to me. He was writing an equation on the board and I litterally though he was writing in greek when he wasn't. I swear his q looked like a gamma. But i am not too worried about it, I figure I will get a B which is good for slacking in that class.
Maybe this quarter was hard on me because I was deprived of a professer to fixate on. Do I need a crush to do well in my classes? Hmm who am I going to fixate on for the next quarter? Maybe I can hop over to my old physics professors office and say hi or something.

This is what I have learned from biochem- carbohydrates suck, lipids suck, protiens suck,enzyme kinetics sucks, and metabolisms sucks. I hate biochem, but I will ace the final, I WILL! Its like all my dreams have been biochem related, last night I was drawing hawthorne projections in my head, and I was like reciting aerobic metabolism in my head. I finally remebered that stupid dihydroxyacetone phostphate substrate. Glycolisis isn't that bad, I think its the sphingolipids that will get me.
Anyway I shouldn't post because its like I can't talk about anything but biochem and I am sure it bores the hell out of everyone. My head hurts, I need medication.

I just realized that my biochem professer reminds me of the guy from Food 911; I really have been watching way too much Food TV.
Anyhow I am feeling a little more optomistic about biochem as of late. It turns out that sometimes your grade reflects how much you study, but I learned that the hard way. But I now know glycolisis inside and out, and I can even tell you about the Krebbs Cycle, but honestly I am so sick of biochem.
hey you know what, the day I was born Donna Summers "Hot Stuff" was the number one song. I got the link from muted.com.
So anyway I have two final exams next week, one for physics and one for biochem. So wish me luck...

I made a map so you won't get lost.
I have been trying to find other things to do so I won't do what I am suppose to be doing. Biochem sucks...

I think the only class I have ever dreaded more then biochem was vertabrate zoology. I may actually step in to office hours tomorrow to see the evil professer. He scares me. So anyway I have two more weeks until the quarters end. Maybe I can work more hours on my break so I can get more money. I have all of the sudden become money hungry since I got a paying job. Next quarter should be good, I might actually enjoy my classes.
You know I have a wierd dog, everytime I take him out walking he tries to pick a fight. Today was a very sad situation because he tried to pick a fight with a puppy. My dog weighs like 150 lbs so somehow it was just not right.
Ok, I know at least one person will find this funny, but I have become captivated by the olsen twins. Somehow they are just endlessly facinating, don't you think?

ok does anyone out there speak german, and if so can you please translate this...
Aber wirklich. Das hier ist wie ein Chat für Phlegmatiker... Replys im Stundentakt. *quak* :-)
I found this site in my refering URL's and it linked to my kermit page so I am curious what they said. It was the most odd referal, its a gay berlin forum. hmmmmm

2 min later...

Apparently its not saying anything about my site, I rembered about the little translater thing they have on altavista. here is what it says...
But really. That is here like a Chat for Phlegmatiker... Replys in the hour clock. * quak *: -)
I guess he had the link there to say my page was his hompage, I dont' know. I am confused.

wow I got a real translation that makes sense, it means:
"Man, this is like a chat for "phlegmatiker"..only hourly replys" "phlegmatiker"=A very laid back, friendly, extremely slow person.
thanks!

oh and you can stalk me next quarter if you like. ;)

I am currently folowing the first carbon of a glucose molecule through glycolisis. Exciting I know. The week was wonderful as usual, and I can't wait for finals. :P I am just really glad the weekend is here

So anyway one good thing did happen to me during the week. I finally got something on my wish list :) I got the PJ Harvey cd and I love it. I wish I could get something on my wish list everyday. It so cute because you get this great big package and the gift is all wraped and evrything and I even got a special little message. It was cute.